Paralysis of the Tongue: Thai Cooking Lesson #1

Our picnic lunch next to the waterfall in Thoeng

Kwan with her SPICY som tum!

Well technically, the first words every person should learn before ordering food or cooking in Thailand is “mai pet” or “nit noy pet.”  Walking down the streets of Bangkok you can actually just SMELL the scent of chilies so bad; you will buckle over coughing for the next ten street stalls from the spice.  We had tried a sample of Kwan’s som tum (papaya salad) – and my tongue was paralyzed for the next 20 minutes.  I like spice – don’t get me wrong, but here in Thailand, this isn’t spice, this is pure torture.  

Second thing to note – sticky rice makes EVERY dish infinitely better.  Thanks to Kwan, Carolina and I are officially obsessed with sticky rice.  Each morning and every night – Kwan and her family make three batches of sticky rice – that’s 6 pounds of rice a day!  And trust me – they eat it all.  

 

 Because of our new-found love for sticky rice, Carolina and I were determined to learn the process by which to make it, so that we could take what we learned back to Bangkok.  My hope was to have sticky rice and mango every day – if I had it my way, for breakfast, lunch and dinner.    We were able to help each morning with the sticky rice, and all I can say is that Carolina, Josje and I have a new appreciation for the amount of work that goes into those little baskets!  You must let the rice soak, overnight, in water.  Then you have to cook it on the stove with this complex wok/vase pot where it becomes all sticky, mash it on this wooden device and then shove it into little wicker baskets.  For one little batch of sticky rice – you are looking at over 14 hours of work!            

The Cooking Crew - ready to take on Foster City's own!

Green Curry we made!

Over our several days with Kwan and her family, we learned how to make several dishes.  Kwan asked us what our favorite Thai dishes were, and we each took turns learning how to make our own.  My favorite is Panang Curry (of course!), Carolina chose Pad Thai, and Josje chose this minced mint pork which is also one of my favorites.  They.were.delicious.

Kwan told us that once we learned how much work went into Thai food – we would never want to cook it again.  I could not agree with her more.  And from that point on, every single chicken curry or sticky rice box I have eaten, I am extremely appreciative.

Hello Paradise, It’s Me…Ashley: Thoeng

As time went on in Chiang Mai – word had reached that the flooding was only worsening rather that getting better.  Things were getting more and more expensive and it was obvious that supplies were becoming less and less.  Even for the three of us splitting costs – it became too expensive to continue to stay in Chiang Mai.  With the lovely help of my adoptive parents and what I am convinced are two of the well-networked people on the entire planet – we were able to go to Thoeng, to stay with a Rotarian family.  We weren’t exactly sure what we were getting ourselves into, but Jon and Linda promised that they would have food, hot water for a shower, and “the biggest master bedroom you will ever see in your life.”  Yeah – ok, I think that beats drawing straws to see who sleeps on the floor each night.  Let’s go!

Kwan with two of her four children - David and Tina, making us a FULL Thanksgiving Dinner!!!  Mashed potatoes and all

We tried to make a good impression and dress up a bit (mainly because we had been wearing the same clothes for over a week now and were starting to smell!), and the three of us had bought matching skirts the day before in the market that we all wore together and showed up with flowers.  We brought our backpacks up the driveway, turned the corner, and then I was suddenly standing in the largest hallway I have ever seen – similar to a hallway from an 18^th century castle in Europe.  It was massive.  A woman introduced herself as Kwan and said she would show us to our room – which was a massive bed, big enough for all of us!  She told us to take it easy, brought us food, and showed us where we could do our laundry (which smelled disgusting!).  Everything was so perfect – we didn’t want to touch anything!  Josje finally got the courage to open one of the doors – which led to a massive patio, chairs, swinging sofa couch, and pool.

The pool - Josje is on the other side...you can barely see her she is SO FAR AWAY!

After washing our four outfits that we had been wearing and re-wearing for the past nine days, and taking our first warm shower in what felt like months, we sat around the pool and caught up on our homework.  Although we had all been completely quiet reading by ourselves, we looked up at the same time and said, “Is this paradise?”  

So this is 1/4th of the house - the house goes ALL THE WAY around the pool...we were in the "Southwest" Wing

Mahout Elephant Trainer

 

What could possibly be cooler than flying hundreds of meters above a rainforest?!  Well, I’m not sure I can compare the two, but today, Carolina and I went to an Elephant Training Camp, where for one day, we got to be mahout elephant trainers, and learn how to instruct elephants.

A few quick facts about elephants.  The elephant is Earth's largest land animal, although the Asian elephant is slightly smaller than its African cousin.  Asian elephants weigh between 6,000 and 11,000 pounds.  Our host Woody explained that Asian elephants sleep for about 4 hours in the day, and eat and poop the remaining 20.  I thought he was kidding – but quickly learned that ALL THEY DO IS EAT.  I decided I could get used to that lifestyle :) 

 
Having a baby elephant is a serious commitment.  Two of the elephants at mahout camp were pregnant – which I thought was a high ratio considering there were only 8 elephants!  But I learned that elephants have a lot longer pregnancy than any other mammal—nearly 22 months!  Cows usually give birth to one calf every two to four years. At birth, elephants already weigh some 200 pounds (91 kilograms) and stand about three feet (1 meter) tall.  Elephants also have babies until they are about 50 years old and live to about 70 years old.
 

Learning how to drive an elephant is very very challenging.  Imagine it is like learning how to drive a car, except you really don’t have pedals because you are riding a wild animal that is a good twelve to fifteen feet off the ground.  

You can see all the Thai elephant commands on my arm!

 

They taught us nine command words in three minutes…in Thai!  I decided that this was memorization for a quiz I couldn’t afford to fail, so I “cheated” and wrote all of the words on my arm (hence the picture!).  Here are the basic commands for elephants.  Of course, there is no correct spelling because these words are in Thai, but this is what it should sound like (at least to me!): 

 Pai = to go forward

Toy = to go backwards

Sai = turn left

Quaa = turn right 

Bonsoon = open mouth for food

And Most importantly,   Yut = Stop!

Swimming with our elephant!

To get on the elephant, you say:  “Yo Ka” in which the elephant raises her front leg and makes a step for you to climb on.  Once you are on her foot you say “Soon” and the elephant raises her leg even higher so that you can climb on!  Incredible.

Of course, the most important word is “Di Mak” which means very good!

We spent the morning practicing our commands with the elephants.  Getting on and off (which is actually really difficult), steering, and most importantly …stopping!  Of course we fed them plenty of bananas and got to see a few tricks.  We then loaded the truck full of hay, fed the elephants, had a delicious Thai meal, and then went on a two-hour trek bareback riding our elephants.  It turns out “driving” an elephant is INCREDIBLY difficult, and while they may have big ears – they do NOT always listen – especially when there are delicious looking plants to eat on the side of the road.

We couldn't leave without some elephant kisses first!

We trekked to a river and bathed the elephants and had a rather one-sided water fight.  Elephant trunks are much better than any water gun I ever had as a kid.  I think if I had an elephant for the Songkran water festival here in Thailand in April – I would win that water fight easily!

Today was one of the best days in my life.  I have always admired elephants but I had never before been able to spend so much time with them – they truly are remarkable creatures and incredibly smart.  It was also refreshing to be out in the jungle and breathe fresh air (which Bangkok seriously lacks).  If you ever do travel to Thailand and have a sense of adventure, or perhaps just want a great water fight, this should not be missed.

Oh My Monkey!

How do you describe soaring hundreds of feet in the air on a tiny wire?!  You are flying.  For the first few lines, the rush of the jump is so great, you can’t even process the beautiful scenery around you.  By the time you can grasp the beauty of the rainforest, you are ready to take on more daring stunts on the zip line – backwards, upside down, and zigzag.  The thrill of the zip line never gets old, and the adrenaline rush is addicting.

In the middle of the jungle - having a BLAST!

We made it to Chiang Mai after another 3 hour bus ride with lots of patience, international sign language, patience, car sickness, and patience.  While prices of food and accommodation paralleled the pattern of Chiang Rai with a large increase because of the shortage, much like Chiang Rai, the tourism industry was hit hard with the lack of tourists in the region, and most prices were beyond reasonable and a much better deal – even for poor “naksuksaa” students like ourselves. 

So we talked our way into four cheap all-inclusive tickets for the “Flight of the Gibbon” - a zip line near Chiang Mai with over 5 kms of zip line that has you gliding through different layers of rainforest canopy.  We chose this program because everyone said it was the highlight of their trip up North, they provided transportation and meals, and we all thought we could use a different kind of adventure from our hill tribe overnight!  There are over 45 different platforms, sky bridges and jumps to really make you feel like you are flying like a gibbon monkey from tree to tree.  After my first “flight” I certainly felt like a shrieking something!

On a Skybridge

The safety instructions were actually further terrifying.  They were less than a minute long, and situated next to a giant sign that showed a graphic of a person falling and said, “Always stay attached.”  Like I have any control over that!  The next thing I knew, I heard the sound of a click and I was thrown off my first zip line.  Ten seconds and ten screams later, I was soaring in a rainforest on an 800 meter zip line.

You would get to the top of the platform and when it was your turn, you would hear the fastener click…and then go.  The Sky Rangers were rather (hmmm what is the right word: thrill-seeking, adventurous, dangerous?!) and would often throw people off the platform or twist their wire so they zig zagged down the entire course…so you never knew what to expect.

We survived!

The second you heard that click – you had no idea exactly what would happen, except that you were going to be pushed off the platform.  Sometimes they half pushed you, just to get a scream or crazy reaction.  When I wouldn’t scream an expletive, I would typically scream something like “Ahhhhhhhh Oh my God!” to which our Sky Rangers would say, “No no no.  We say, ‘Oh my Buddha.’”  Which was then quickly modified to “Oh My Monkey.” 

I don’t think the four of us have ever eaten so much as the lunch we had after our zip line.  I’m not sure why we were so exhausted – we didn’t exert much physical energy – but perhaps all the screaming took it out of us!  That Thai meal was delicious and we absolutely got our money’s worth alone with the food. 

Opium and the Golden Triangle

Later that same afternoon, we continued north to Mae Sai for a long awaited all you can eat Thai buffet (which we had negotiated before we even left for the trip!).  We then continued on to the Golden Triangle where we learned about the infamous Opium scandals that give the region its reputation of mystery and danger…

Every guidebook seems to have a different view of the evolution of the term 'golden triangle' and even disagree on when the term was coined. Most do agree that the term applies to the opium growing region covering northern Thailand, eastern Burma and western Laos.  The Triangle itself refers to the point where these three countries borders converge and the point where the Sop Ruak tributary flows into the gargantuan Mekong River. Considered one of the world's remaining wild places, the area remains largely inaccessible. The name conjures up alluring images of mist-shrouded mountains with forested slopes overlooking the mighty Mekong River, home of hill-tribe villages. 
 

The Golden Triangle

The Golden Triangle, however, has a darker side. It is one of the areas of the world where opium is grown, processed into heroin, and smuggled out, and is currently the source of half the world's illegal heroin.  The Golden Triangle is a largely lawless region that according to drug agencies, last year produced more opium and heroin than Afghanistan and more synthetic stimulant pills than all the rest of the laboratories in Southeast Asia put together.

Opium Seeds

Opium production has been illegal in Thailand since 1959. Thanks to a highly successful crop substitution program undertaken by the Royal Projects Foundation established by His Majesty King Bhumipol, opium production has largely been eliminated in Thailand. However, across the border in Burma, the Shan United Army, which is fighting the central Burmese government for an independent Shan state, has been accused of funding its war through the sale of opium and heroin.

 It was almost eerie wandering around the Golden Triangle – besides a few tourists snapping pictures, the entire town was empty and extremely quiet.  There was a light mist over the entire area, which, if you had cued scary music, would have morphed into a terrifying scary movie.  It almost felt like there were secrets hidden in every corner – to the point where you were a little hesitant to explore because you are afraid of what you might run into…

Dipping our feet in three countries at once!